Happy Wednesday!
Happy Real World Wednesday!
First week here, second week here.
It’s clear I’ve missed a few weeks, not because I haven’t known what I wanted to write. On the contrary, I have so many ideas and thoughts in my head for these posts that it’s exciting but also overwhelming.
Since I’m back in action today, I’ll hug it out.
Here goes.
When I opened up on the Internet that I was going to leave my job, apartment, and friends in New York City to move back home, the most intriguing and frequently asked questions were about my decision-making process.
For example:
- How did I finally come to the decision to leave my job and the city?
- What did I feel about the decision at the time? And then after I moved home?
- When did I come to the decision that enough was enough?
- Was I actually ready to leave the city?
- How did I come to terms with the fact that I’d be leaving many great things behind?
- Did I ever wonder if I was making the wrong decision?
Many relayed that they were in the same boat as me… wondering WHEN it was the right time to make a similar movie and HOW to think through the decision.
I’m really glad we can discuss these things.
Whenever I hear a similar experience from someone else, I have the same questions too. It’s a really curious situation!
And it’s definitely why I can’t stop watching the new show on HBO, “Girls.”
There isn’t a manual or a tell-all book to consult when you’re at this kind of crossroads. It’s the simplest of crossroads… whether to stay or go, and when to do it… but one of the hardest things to think through.
I am going to briefly tell you my story, and then answer some of the questions above as best I can to try to explain how this all came to be.
I believe that there is no “right” way to make this kind of decision or “best” time to leave one city/job for another one, so please know I wouldn’t be the person to write a manual on it.
To shed some light on what really happened in my experience, I can, however, provide three of the biggest factors that led to my decision to discontinue my lease, leave my job, and move home last fall.
- I was very unhappy with my job in NYC. By January 2011, I’d been at my second job out of college for two months. It only took a couple of months for me to be sure that the job and company were not right for me, despite interning there the summer prior. Mostly because I was not being challenged even the slightest bit. There were no future opportunities or avenues of advancement for me to pursue there. It was like being in a long-term relationship and not seeing anything (ANYTHING) coming out of it. I wanted out in the worst way, and really struggled to stay there as long as I did.
- I wanted to find my niche in another industry. While seemingly interesting and perhaps a bit glamorous from the outside, I couldn’t see myself in the industry I was working for. It did not feel fulfilling nor the best place for me to launch and further my career. I went to work unhappy and I came home unhappy. Even though I’d had internships in the particular industry during college, I wanted to pursue something else that would be a better fit for my interests and strengths.
- I wasn’t able to save a dime. Everything I earned went directly to evil leasing office minions. Anything left over after that went to the basic survival expenses: food, wireless internet, laundry, and the occasional race fee and beer. This cycle began even before I’d graduated and was inescapable.
For the longest time, even through most of last summer and even though I started considering moving home in the fall months prior, I was still very much 50-50 on what to do.
My thought process remained that way up until I had to lock in the decision in the beginning of August.
I couldn’t imagine not living in the city. Honestly, I wasn’t fully ready to leave, even though I’d always known I’d eventually move back to Boston. At the time, packing up and leaving everything and everyone I loved in the city seemed heartbreaking.
But I also couldn’t imagine renewing my lease, thereby signing on for at least another year and tethering myself to the things that were making me so unhappy.
There wasn’t another alternative. I could have certainly resigned my lease to stay another year, but I was done with just sucking it up. I needed to step up instead.
Luckily, I had a lot of people rallying for me.
My roommate (who actually just moved back to her hometown outside Boston to attend grad school at BC!) could relate and was very supportive. Right from the beginning, I was open with her about thinking about moving home. She really understood the situation I was in, and we had many, many heart-to-hearts about it.
My parents were incredibly supportive too. They got the brunt of my frustrations and complaints and vents about my work and financial situation, and were really patient with me. When it came time for me to move, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them! And now, as much as I drive them crazy sometimes and can take over the television and couch, they’ve been troopers and even more supportive. I hope/think they like having me at home right now.
In the end the decision came down to this: I wasn’t doing what I went to NYC to do, and it was a detriment to my finances and overall happiness.
I chose to believe that this was the right thing to do. I tried to go all in about it.
In the end it didn’t matter how much I loved living in NYC. Sadly, it didn’t matter how many friends I’d had from college there or how many new friends I’d made there. The daily runs and races in Central Park, the fun nights out at bars around the city, the great social life I had, the fact that there was always something going on, always something to do.
That’s why this decision was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make in my life so far.
I knew I’d be leaving A LOT of good things behind.
I knew if I moved home that I’d be living a completely different life.
When I was going back and forth on it, I cried, laughed, got angry, was confused, felt embarrassed at times, and felt relieved. Basically I experienced every emotion while working it out.
But I decided I just had to take that chance and to trust that I was making a smart decision for me… for my career, finances, and well-being.
If you’ve been reading this blog, you know how everything turned out.
Yes, I spent 4 sad months unemployed but it seems a necessary component to how I got a job that I am very happy with. Yes, I am living at home, but truthfully, I love that too. For now at least! Yes, I don’t get to see a lot of my friends in NYC but I’ve been able to reconnect with home friends and cousins and I can always hop a bus to visit the city and my friends there. Yes, I miss Central Park and the Stumble Inn but I’ve found new running paths and new bars to frequent in Boston and my hometown.
I’m making this work and I’ve never been more convinced that I made the right decision for me.
Just like I was supposed to be in NYC from June 2010 to September 2011, I’m in the right place right now.
Change is a good thing.
Please let me know your thoughts on this kind of decision! Where you ever in this situation? How did you go about deciding what was best for you? What was your reasoning behind it? How do you feel about the decision now?
